One of these days….

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How can it be that an entire year has passed since I said good-bye to my Rio and kissed her lifeless body farewell? I don’t understand that the world didn’t just quit spinning the second my heart shattered into pieces. And while I miss my girl with a pain beyond belief, life has managed to keep marching on. The sun keeps rising and setting, and the days keep coming and going. And I think, one of these days, I will start to feel alive again. One of these days, I won’t feel the sting of tears when I speak her name. One of these days, I won’t feel the familiar ache in my throat when I try to speak about a memory of her. One of these days, I won’t look for her when I come home. And one of these days, I’ll be able to reconcile the guilt of feeling like I didn’t do enough or perhaps I did too much. One of these days, I’ll put the pieces of my floundering life back together and stop trying to fill the hole in my heart she left behind.

One of these days…. Just not today. Today, I have given myself permission to wallow a bit. To fully feel the sadness and grief, and just miss her… Tomorrow, I can resume the effort, but today… Today I just gotta get through it…

Rest in peace, my heart, my Woo, my Rio-girl.
4/2000 – 1/20/2012


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10 thoughts on “One of these days….

  1. Micki, you and I began our friendship here the same week. You, me, Angel and our three: Rio, Dakota, Bud. We have walked this path at the same pace and celebrated the same milestones. We have cried over our losses. If I could make your pain stop, I would. But I would never do anything that would diminish the depth of feeling you have for Rio. So perhaps you have to endure the sorrow because of the depth of the love.

    When Rio left, she took a piece of your heart with her. I think she’s holding onto it until she can return it. Until then, know that you are a loved and valued member of this odd little community. And no one will ever–ever–forget your Woo-girl.

    Shari

  2. Oh boy Micki. To think that 12 months on the emotion can still be so raw leaves me breathless. There are times that I kid myself that I’m doing alright since Magnum left and then I’ll have “one of those days”. You’ve described it far too well.

    Your love for Rio shines through. Wallowing is important… remembering, missing, reminiscing, honouring.

    Many hugs for you

    Karen and Spirit Magnum

  3. aww Micki,
    Tears fall as I read your blog. I’m not going to try to “take away” from your wallow. I am just going to say that it is okay. I am also going to say …IT IS ALL BECAUSE SHE IS WORTH THE MISSING! Every day of companionship that she was able to give you was a gift so do cherish it!

    There may be tears today but some days you may just find a smile.
    She stays with you forever in your heart and your memories.

    I’m also a believer….one day you will meet again!

    Love to you and our angel Woo girl!

  4. Oh, Micki, I feel so sad for you. You describe so perfectly how so many of us feel. I wish I had the right words to ease your pain, but I think it is something each of us has to work through. One thing I know: you loved your Rio and every decision – every action – was made with love. Rio knew that and loved you all the more for it. Thinking of you tonight and sending you hugs.
    – Beth, Spirit Smilin’ Sammy
    & MB Wiggly Wrigley

  5. My how time flies. Thank you for checking in. We share your pain on such a special day. We also believe that the Woo would want you to know that today, is one of those days. May her sweet Spirit keep smiling on your heart…

    Peace.

  6. Geez, where has the time gone? Micki, we’re sorry your heart is hurting and its definitely OK to wallow once in awhile. Try not to hang on to the guilt. You did everything you thought was right for Rio and everything you did was out of your love for her. Rio knows that. I recently decided to stop saying that the pain gets less sharp over time. It hasn’t for me and its been over 7 years. Its just that you feel it less often, its no longer constant.
    Thinking of you, and your beautiful girl….
    XOXOX
    Martha

  7. She must have been a beautiful girl and a special spirit. Such touching words. So true and so raw. Sometimes, I recall my first family dog and I get choked up (20 years ago) and more still, 3 years ago we said goodbye to a 14 year old family dog – that still makes me emotional. Your pain is real and really indicative of how perfect Rio was. She will always occupy a large part of your heart. Wallow away, my dear. Rio deserves it and we all understand. (((HUGS)))

  8. We miss Rio so much around here. Her pretty, mature, dignified face, her amazing Tripawd Warrior Princess attitude, the way she inspired soooo many people both in your world and online with the way she kicked cancer’s butt.

    It’s hard to be believe a year has passed. Time hurts, and it heals too, eventually. I know it takes time, dog knows it does.

    Much love coming your way as we think of Rio and how much she meant to this community.

  9. Can’t stop crying reading your posts. I am delighted to read that your baby girl Woo had such a wonderful life and Mommy to take care of her. Be assured your pain will become beautiful memories of your girl and you will thank God for your precious time together without feeling hurt. Take care of your beautiful self because Grandpa is taking care of Rio or probably the other way round 🙂 Thank you for sharing your baby with us. God bless xxx

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